No more baby days 

I’m on the sofa this morning, after dropping my biggest girl at nursery. The smallest one is fast asleep on me after a rough night of wide awake snuggles and sore teeth. I’m suddenly overwhelmed by how big and clever and grown up the two of them are now. And it hurts. 
I don’t have a baby anymore. The days of having two under two are long behind me, and Iris is very nearly three. She starts nursery class at a school this September, with a tiny school uniform and everything. She’s excited. I’m excited too, because I know she’s going to have such a fabulous time, but I’m also sad and a tiny bit terrified. Astrid is 16 months old now, and like a tiny wrecking ball. She is sturdy and speedy, and charges through life at 100 miles per hour. She climbs and runs and has no fear of hurting herself. I can’t leave her alone in a room for even a minute. Not even if I can’t see a single hazard. She will find one. It’s not unusual to catch her dancing on tables or scaling window sills. 
They are not babies. 
The first year after Astrid was born I went to bed every single night feeling like I’d been hit by a bus. Seriously. While they pleasantly surprised me often and it wasn’t always as hard as I’d imagined, it was exhausting. Iris needed constant interactions at the time, too young yet to create games and play alone while I fed Astrid. Little one was a screamer, and a complete mystery to me a lot of the time. I didn’t instinctively know what she was crying for like I had with Iris. I had PND (I can see now in hindsight) and was having a huge identity crisis when I should have been focussing on my babies. 
I really feel like it’s over now. The hard bit. Obviously I know there are many many many hard bits to come. I’m not daft. But I can’t imagine it being that consistently hard again for such a long period of time. I can’t imagine slipping back into the black cloud I lived in for a long time either. I’ve been making sure I look after myself too, and I plan to keep it up. 
Besides some health issues (for another day) life is really very good at the moment, but I can’t help but feel some sadness at the baby days being behind us.


Slimming World

I know I’ve just had a baby, I’m nursing, and that my weight isn’t the most important thing going on right now. Don’t pounce on me. Seriously.

Last week a friend of mine who has also recently had a baby suggested she might like to lose some of the weight she gained and her Facebook friends weren’t all supportive. I thought it wasn’t particularly kind of them to suggest that she had her priorities wrong and shouldn’t even be considering it. Why shouldn’t she? It doesn’t make her a bad parent!

I’m not really worried about my weight. I gained 2 stone having Iris and that’s ok. I expected to. I over-ate whilst pregnant. I’d love to get back down to my pre-pregnancy size and weight, but there’s no real rush. It’s just nice to be on the road in that direction.

My motivation for wanting to lose the weight isn’t my appearance. The only person to comment on how I look has been a family member who never has anything nice to say to anybody anyway. I couldn’t care less.

I just want to run!! I’ve tried to run twice since Iris has arrived, and both times it felt incredible! But I’m heavier, it’s hard on my knees, and my running gear just doesn’t fit very well. It’s expensive stuff. I can’t afford to buy more. It’d also be nice to fit in the rest of my clothes too. My wardrobe is full of lovely stuff that doesn’t fit, and I think that’s a shame.

So I joined Slimming World, and I think it’s brilliant!

I’ve lost 8 and a half lb so far, maybe more. Tonight is meeting night when I’ll be weighed. It hasn’t been a great week, food wise. I’m addicted to pizza delivery! With the cold we’ve all had I’ve been wanting comfort food, so I’m not expecting to have lost much at all.

There’s no pressure though. As long as the numbers on the scales go down and not up, I’m happy. Slow and steady is definitely the way to go, and it’s easier to keep it off that way.

I do the green plan, because I’m veggie, with extras because I’m breastfeeding. Slimming World is the only weight loss programme recommended for nursing mamas, and if you follow the nursing plan it doesn’t affect your milk supply. Certainly hasn’t affected mine! Iris is chubbing up nicely.

My favourite part of it though, is the food. No diet versions of stuff, because those are just stuffed full of chemical sweeteners and other rubbish. Just proper healthy food. Trev is a much better cook then me, so he does most of it and has lost some weight too. My main job is to search the internet and recipe books for the next thing to try. Two of my favourite meals so far have been baked vegetable frittata and spicy bean burgers with cajun wedges. Trev also knocks up a ridiculously tasty veggie chilli (which we had last night – amazing!) and I’ve had a go at a couple of things, the best being a slow cooker sausage casserole.