Rainbow Run 5km for Tŷ Hafan

My first medal!! Sort of. I’m excluding the Race For Life 2013 one because that was a disaster and I didn’t run much of it. This is my first medal as the new me. 

I had no idea what to expect. I had an inkling that some of the run was on the actual beach, and was pretty nervous about running on sand. It’s not easy to walk on! Turns out, the whole 5km is on the beach. All of it. In a kind of zig zag down to the sea and back up again, twice. It’s a boring route. It’s basically round and around the same area over and over. If it wasn’t for the paint throwing and the general atmosphere of so many people running at once, you would never choose to run that route. It was bloody hard work. Really hard. The first part was really soft, and my ankles turned over several times. One of the times was quite painful and slowed me down for a while. Then there were hard bits that weren’t too bad. But there were really wet splashy bits too! Despite being quite hard going, it was a lot of fun. There were colour stations dotted along the route, and each station had a bunch of volunteers throwing a different colour of powder paint over you. Some of them even had big paint blowing machines. It goes in your eyes and nose and mouth, and I found myself holding my breath quite a bit to avoid inhaling it!

I caught up with a couple of my friends right at the end, who usually run much faster than me but had struggled with an injury, and they started sprinting so I did too! I crossed the finish line completely exhausted and totally out of breath. The paint all over my face hid the fact that I was bright red though. I was actually mostly orange with yellow hair! 

I’d do the run again in a heartbeat. I had such a good time! We raised quite a bit for Tŷ Hafan too, which makes it all feel even better. I finished in 41:19, which is between my two Park Run times. I’m pretty pleased with it considering the sand was so hard to run on! 

We finished off our day trip with chips and a go on the waltzers! 
PS: check out this video of the run! 


The pre-pregnancy jeans project {week 1}

It’s seems my timing with starting this was way off. It’s been a really tough week. Astrid has been upset, and really hard work. I haven’t made it to my dance classes, and I haven’t had a chance to exercise at home either. We have started taking the dog for a walk as a family in the evenings, which is lovely. I’m not sure it counts as exercise though, as walking at a toddler’s pace isn’t going to get my heart working! Especially as she wants to stop to examine every stone, and to count all of the horse poops. I did splash out on some very cheap workout clothes in Lidl this week though. They’ve got some really good bargain leggings! 

I haven’t lost any weight. I’m not too concerned about that. The next few weeks are more about changing my habits to healthier ones. I’ve eaten a lot less biscuits this week, and I’ve stopped sitting down once the kids are asleep with a huge bar of chocolate. Annoyingly Iris has a new hobby, and keeps asking to make cakes and biscuits. It’s been difficult to help with the baking but not eat all of the finished product! 

My challenge for the week ahead is to cook and eat some healthier meals. I’ve got a slow cooker and a spiralizer, so I’m well equipped. I just have to practise cooking while wearing a sad clingy baby. If anybody has any healthy but tasty vegetarian recipes to share please do! 

Here’s to a better week ahead. 

The pre-pregnancy jeans project 

Astrid is almost 5 months old, and I’m not planning to have anymore babies. The time has come. I need to start looking after myself. 

All of my life I have believed I am fat. Apart from the summer of 2013. In a relationship that had been over for a long time really, and feeling desperately unhappy, I hit the gym. I ran too. I exercised every single day and I ate a balanced diet avoiding junk food. I wasn’t the slimmest I’d ever been, but I was the healthiest. I was toned, full of energy, and I felt good. 

Despite the unhappy relationship, I was filled with confidence. I went to Barcelona and wore a tiny bikini for the first time ever. I wore short shorts and slinky dresses. 

I had a lot of migraines that summer, and then a seizure, and a CT scan, and suddenly I realised life had to change. I finally left. 

Soon after, I met Trevor and got pregnant. 

Now it’s 2016, and I’m about 3 stone heavier, sleep deprived, and I can’t walk up the stairs without getting out of breath. 

Ideally, I’d like to get back into the jeans I was wearing in 2013. I’d also quite like to replicate that healthy confident feeling! 

Today is the start. 

There won’t be any obsessing over calories or excessive weighing of foods. Just healthier meals, and a lot less junk. Combined with exercise whenever I can. It’s not easy while looking after a baby and a toddler! 

I’ll hopefully manage a little update on how I’m getting on every week. 

Wish me luck! 

The post pregnancy identity crisis

I’ve talked about this before. When Iris came along. 

Now I’ve gone and had two babies in less than two years, and I feel battered. A million billion miles from the person I was before. 

Before I got pregnant with Iris I was one of those people that spends all of the spare time at the gym. On reflection, I was deeply unhappy. Before Trevor there was a relationship where I was completely ignored. I felt so unwanted and convinced myself it was a physical thing. As in, my physical appearance made me unloveable. 

As a result I was the fittest I had ever been. I attended 6am spinning classes before my 10 hour shifts. I calorie counted. I lived on juice diets and salads. 

I was a size 8, and seriously unhappy with how I looked. 

I’m now a size 14 and seriously unhappy with how I look. 

Just goes to show that actually size has very little to do with it. 

I don’t care what the label in my clothes says. I don’t care what the scales say. I don’t care what people say about me. I refuse to hate my body anymore. 

However, I still feel like shit. 

I’m sluggish, tired, achey, uncomfortable. 

It has to change. 

But how?

I’ve been twice now to a dance class that you can take small children along to, and I have really enjoyed it. I’ve been reminded of that post-exercise feeling that I was once addicted to. It’s a great feeling. Like a tired glow. 

It’s not easy to fit exercise in when you spend every minute with a toddler and a baby. It’s not easy to eat healthily when you’re left feeling drained from breastfeeding and very little sleep. I need chocolate. I crave sugar so much. 

It’s not just that. 

After you have kids everything changes. There’s the stretch marks. I don’t dislike them. I just don’t expect to see them in the mirror. This body doesn’t look like my body anymore and it’s hard to get my head around. My boobs were once tiny and are now huge. And they leak. My old favourite styles of jeans cut into my hip fat and look weird. I have no idea what clothes suit this new shape. I don’t know how to get dressed. 

I did Slimming World once before but don’t think it’s for me. I don’t want to miss the kid’s bedtime every Tuesday because I’m sat around listening to recipes for Diet Coke chicken. I’m not sure how to make it work for a veggie who doesn’t like dairy products much. 

Calorie counting? 

I get obsessive about it. That’s the trouble. I’m fragile enough without making things worse. 

I feel so stuck with this. I really have no idea how to help myself. 

But help myself I must. 

So tomorrow things change. Tomorrow I start taking better care of myself. 

Mum Tum

Oh wow, I’m so bad at blogging these days that I shock even myself! When was my last post? I don’t think it was even this month.

I went to a new thing this morning. 

I’ve missed running, and with Trev often coming home after dark I really needed to find something else to keep me moving. Something Iris could come along to. 

FitMums. That is actually what it’s called. The name disappoints me. I’m not sure why. I guess I just think they could come up with something better. It makes me think of ‘fit’ used as a word to describe somebody who is very attractive, rather than physically in shape. I definitely am not fit in that sense. Not in any sense, actually. I have no desire for anybody to ever describe me as ‘fit’ again, and frankly I don’t need the pressure. I wouldn’t mind being able to run up the stairs without it killing me though, and wearing my old jeans would be a bit nice. 

I moan on and on about those old jeans, don’t i? 

So Iris sat in her pushchair eating (she won’t be in a pushchair unless she’s eating or sleeping) and wearing a WTF expression while me and several others ran around, squatted, did push ups and the plank. Apart from the boxing part where the gloves stank so badly of old cheese I could hardly bear it, I really enjoyed it. It’s always amazed me how we avoid exercise when it feels so so good. 

I’ve been doing Slimming World again too. Not the groups, just the online version. I’m 5 days in and apart from one hiccup where I ate more chocolate than I can count in syns, I’m doing alright. I’ve avoided the scales because I have a terrible habit of weighing myself daily and obsessing over stupid fluctuations that mean nothing. It’s the jeans that count anyway. Screw the scales. I just want to wear my old jeans because new jeans means shopping and I hate shopping. 

I might even start using my old kettlebell as a kettlebell, not a doorstop. 

As odd as it may seem, I’d like to keep a bit of this belly though. This wonderful belly that stretched and itched and ached, and grew a kid that eats dog food when I’m not looking. Even the crinkly lines where the skin gave up and couldn’t stretch anymore. They can stay too. 

But the dimples in my bum have to go.  

Nine Months

I didn’t do this last month, and so much has changed since Iris was just seven months old.


The past 273 days have been pretty amazing, thanks to this little whirlwind. She’s so full of character now, I find myself laughing at her all day long.

I guess the biggest change in the last two months is that she’s fully mobile. She started commando crawling at seven months and was crawling properly within a couple of weeks. She quickly gained speed and confidence, and now almost never falls over. A few times she has crawled straight into the wall though, where she’s been looking at the floor instead of ahead. In the last two weeks she’s changed her crawling style again, and now prefers to be on her hands and feet, bum right up in the air. My mum says its reminds her of Mowgli in The Jungle Book.  She pulls herself to standing too now, but isn’t that stable. I’m trying to let my fear go and let her explore, but it does frighten me when she’s clinging to the sofa and wobbling around. Even more so when she insists on standing up in the bath! I got her a push along walker from the charity shop, but she doesn’t get it yet. She pushes it along but her feet don’t follow. I have to remain close to prevent her landing on her nose! She has a sit in walker too, but hasn’t even realised that it moves. She just sees it as something that stops her from crawling, which is how she feels about the jumperoo now too. This is quite annoying for me, as I have no safe place to leave her so that I can nip to the loo. I have to take her with me.

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We’re still breastfeeding. Although much much less now. Iris only really wants milk to get her to sleep, so twice a day before naps and then at bedtime. She makes up for it at night though. She still wakes several times and requires a full feed to get back to sleep. It’s exhausting, but I know it’s pretty normal. I’m shattered all of the time, but have no intention of attempting any ‘sleep training’. She still sleeps in our bed with us, and I have no plans to move her out. It works for us. I love having her close. I can’t imagine not cosleeping. It’s the lovliest snuggliest thing! We have started putting her to bed a lot earlier though, aiming for around 7:30. It has made a massive difference to how much she sleeps and she’s happier for it. Some nights are still really terrible though, like last night when we tried walking the streets late at night with the pushchair. It didn’t work. It turned out that she just needed a big poo, and after she finally did that she just went straight to sleep! There are still odd nights where she just decides she’s wide awake at 1am and fancies playing until around 4. They are so few now though that I can easily cope. Daytime naps are loads better, and she’s almost got a routine of sorts. Totally baby led though. I’ve made no attempts to try to get her into a routine. She usually wakes up around 7:30 in the morning and wants to go back to sleep at 9:30ish. She’ll sleep on our bed (closely watched on the video monitor) or in the pushchair if we’re off out. She sleeps again in the afternoon sometime between 2 and 3. The lengths of her naps still vary so greatly and there is no way to predict how it will go!


Mealtimes are the best bit of the day for Iris. This kid just loves food. I’m so pleased. Fussy eaters drive me mad, and I’d hate to have to worry about her getting enough. Instead I find myself worrying if she eats too much! She eats three meals a day now, and eats with me. Whatever I’m having she has too. I don’t make separate baby food. I have never added salt to food anyway, so that’s not a problem. The only meal she has that’s different from mine is breakfast. She adores porridge! If I attempt to give her toast instead she tells me off!

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There have been no real words yet, but Iris loves to talk. She babbles almost constantly and I often get the feeling she’s trying to tell me something important. I fear that once words do come, they’ll keep on coming and she’ll never ever be quiet again. Iris likes to imitate sounds too. Only today she watched Seb the dog panting after playing fetch and she started trying to pant too! My favourite of all of her noises is her high pitched squeal of joy! It’s usually combined with all four limbs wriggling with excitement and its seriously adorable!

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We spend much more of our days together away from the house now, and transporting Iris around is becoming much easier as she grows. Friday is the only day we don’t attend a group of some kind. We even managed a weekend at my mum’s house, travelling there and home again by train. And it wasn’t even that stressful!


I have no idea at all what Iris weighs or how tall she is as we’ve given up going to baby clinic, but she’s booked in for a nine month check with the health visitor after Easter. It’ll be the first time we’ve seen a health visitor in a very long time. Ours retired when Iris was very little and we seem to have completely slipped off the radar! I’m not complaining. I find them intrusive and not particularly helpful.

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Thanks for another month of fun kiddo, for amazing me constantly and making me feel like the most important person in the world. Oh, and for my first ever Mother’s Day too!


Baby Weight Diaries #8

It’s been a fairly good week, food-wise, so I’m pretty pleased with myself. With Trev too, actually. We’ve had some very healthy dinners this past week! Unfortunately I also had cake yesterday. Oops. Being really good all of the time is just boring though, isn’t it? If I deprive myself completely all of the time I’ll get fed up and give up. A little bit of cake is a good thing.

A couple of years ago (almost to the day) I fell over on ice on my way to work. I hurt myself quite badly and spent the whole day in A&E. On my way there I saw a bus crash. I had weeks of pain and (very expensive) osteopath appointments, and now I’m quite frightened of icy ground. So I haven’t yet been running still, as it’s been pretty frosty here. It’s even lightly snowed a few times. I had to do something though, so I started the ’30 Day Shred’. I had amazing results with it a few years ago and it’s good fun too. I’ve done the first 2 days, although both times I had to stop halfway through and start again because Iris filled her nappy. I don’t think she’s a fan of Jillian. I missed a day yesterday because we spent the whole day at the zoo, and today I’m doing the Kangoo Jump class again.
I finally reached the first of the 10 weight loss milestones this week! I’m pretty pleased with that. I’m 10% done. Woo!
Weight lost this week: 1.8lb

Total weight loss: 6lb

Weight still to lose: 46.8lb
I’m pretty happy with how things are going. It’s slow, I know, but slow and steady weight loss is the best kind. It makes it so much easier to keep it off. I naturally lose a bit of weight when the weather gets warmer anyway, and always seem to carry more when it’s cold. If I lose another pound by the end of January and continue to lose half a stone a month I’ll be a very happy mouse. I can see that I’ve slowed down slightly but that doesn’t really matter. As long as the numbers go down and not up, all is good. I already feel so much better and healthier and have a lot more energy. 2015/01/img_1111.jpg
*images cropped from screenshots of the Happy Scale App*