A black cloud 

I should be writing another update on how I’ve been looking after myself better, but I can’t be bothered. I could share some pictures of the the kids and some updates on the hilarious stuff Iris has said recently. But I don’t want to. 

A combination of stuff (yes, the referendum is a big one) has left me feeling a little low and quite a bit glum. 

I’m struggling again. 

I’m even finding parenting hard. It feels like Astrid never stops crying and I don’t seem to be able to make her happy. Iris can’t cope with Astrid screaming and getting all of my attention, so has started hitting when she has tantrums. It’s all getting a bit much. I can’t wait for Trevor to get home each evening to take the pressure off. 

I never felt like I wanted a break from Iris as a baby, but I’d love a break from Astrid and I feel so guilty about that. 

Don’t get me wrong, she’s a wonderful baby and I love her so much that it hurts. She has the biggest most beautiful grin and she laughs so loud when Iris is being silly for her. When she’s happy she’s really happy, and she’s absolutely delightful. 

But when she screams she’s relentless and nothing I do helps her. She’s does it in public. The bus station, on the bus, in cafes. She doesn’t care. But I do. Because it’s so bloody stressful. 

I’m too tired to write. 

I’ve got a prescription to help, because I know from experience that a black cloud like this one won’t just pass on by without help. 

This weekend we’re off camping with my friends. Between us we have 20 children, and its forecast to rain all weekend. It’s going to be hard work. 

But I hope it’s also the brief break from real life that I need right now. 

Hopefully next week will be better. 

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4 thoughts on “A black cloud 

  1. Oh sweety you sound like you are really struggling. Depression SUCKS and it sucks your personality from you and leaves you just grey and down. I know, I suffer too x
    I hope the camping trip brightens your day x

    Like

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