You’ll be relived to hear that this isn’t going to be the big old moan that my 36 week update was. That doesn’t mean I’m feeling much better or more relaxed, just that I can’t be bothered to moan anymore. I can’t be bothered to get upset with how unprepared I feel. What the point?
Being very heavily pregnant at Christmas is a very strange thing. I was pregnant through a Christmas with Iris too, but I was only 16 weeks and only just had a tiny bump. It wasn’t the same. This year I am HUGE. Emormous. Absolutely massive. Well that’s how I feel anyway. The midwives keep measuring my bump as slightly small for my gestation so I can’t be that big, but I definitely feel it.
I’ve missed alcohol this festive season. Really missed it. I’d kill for a G&T.
It’s been fun though, and busy. I’ve kept going and going through the hip pain that makes me want to curl up and stay still. There have been periods of rest too though, thankfully. Having Trevor at home has meant I’ve been able to sneak off for the odd nap. Those naps have saved me. They’ve meant I can get through to the evenings with the kids and still have a little bit of energy left.
The hip pain is severe now. The very pointless physiotherapist appointment I had a while ago informed me that I’d likely end up on crutches towards the end, and I’m pleased that I haven’t. It hasn’t got as bad as I’d feared. I’m reluctant to talk about the pain too much with any medical professionals now. They’ve made it very clear there is no help available for me, and I’m scared they’ll find any reason to talk me into a hospital birth. I do not want a hospital birth. That’s my biggest fear. No doctors unless absolutely necessary.
My plan is still to go to the birth centre and have a relaxed water birth. Trevor is sorting out an iPod docking station and I’ll sort out some relaxing music. My bag is packed. Loose plans are in place for the care of Iris while I’m there. We’re done. We’re basically ready. I feel anything but ready! I’m slightly nervous about staffing now. The midwife pointed out that I may have to go to hospital simply because there may not be the staff to open the birth centre. I told her that they’d have to drag me kicking and screaming then. I’m not going.
I had my 38 week appointment yesterday. It went ok. As usual it was brief and formal. Wee sample check, blood pressure check, listen to the heart beat, have a feel of baby’s position. Apparently she’s back to back in there, which I kind of guessed. Her position has felt weird for the last week or so, with feet sticking out of my belly where I wouldn’t expect feet to be. I was advised to get down on my hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor. I won’t be doing that. Instead I’m going to have a good read of the Spinning Babies website and some other links shared with me on Twitter. Trevor and Iris blew the birthing ball up for me last night too. Hopefully a good bounce will help her move around. I can feel her head grinding down low in my pelvis so I’m not sure she actually has the space to move around! Is it such a big deal? Does it really matter if she doesn’t move? I always worry that the midwives are trying to frighten me for no real reason, like they did a thousand times when I was pregnant with Iris. I’ve come to not trust them very much, which really is a shame.
The appointment ended with the midwife trying to book me in for a stretch and sweep next week, and then getting annoyed when I refused it. Baby will come when baby is ready. I want that to be sooner rather than later, but I don’t think trying to make it happen earlier is a good idea. I won’t be having a sweep the week after either, which she didn’t seem impressed about. “Well how exactly do you expect to avoid going overdue?” I don’t. Some pregnancies are longer than 40 weeks.
My next appointment with her is at 40 weeks and 3 days. Hopefully I won’t make it that far because I really don’t want to see them again.
Still, this isn’t actually the big old moan I said it wouldn’t be, despite appearances. Because I am ok. I’m happy and I’m excited. Not ready but excited! I’ve been washing and folding tiny little baby clothes and wondering how Iris can ever have been that small. Trevor keeps grinning at me and telling me he’s excited, Iris keeps kissing my belly and saying ‘baby’. Having a little tiny one around again is going to be lovely.