With just ten short weeks between now and our due date, I’m finding it very difficult to get my head around the fact that Christmas falls between now and then. I’ve been struggling to keep a handle on my anxiety at times, and money worries combined with Christmas gives me another thing to stress about. Whenever we have cash flow troubles I feel terrible for not being a wage earner. I know how daft that is, but I can’t help it. When a big bill comes in and I have no pot to bring to the table I find it very difficult. I have to keep reminding myself that letting myself feel this way can have a negative impact on our unborn daughter. I have to focus on staying calm, for me and all of the family.
I feel enormous now. I’ve passed over into the stage where strangers aren’t nervous to mention it just in case I’m not actually pregnant. Instead random people say ‘not long left now’ which absolutely drives me mad. I can feel my skin stretching over my growing bump and it’s starting to itch. When I was pregnant with Iris my twice daily bio-oil applications helped, but when you’re chasing a toddler and barely getting any sleep you don’t much feel like spending any of your precious alone time rubbing oil into your belly.
The kicks and wriggling is pretty constant. I didn’t feel Iris move like this because it was all cushioned by the position of the placenta. This time the placenta is at the back and all the kicks are clearly visible, even through my clothes. She’s doing lots of big rolls in there that make me feel a little bit sick. This week she has started to hiccup, which is quite amusing!
I have no midwife appointments until December now. Nothing for the whole of November. This seems so strange as I practically lived at the hospital in my last pregnancy. I only need to see a consultant now if I go past my due date, although I’m not really sure why. So they can start bullying me into being induced, I suppose. I had my flu vaccine and whooping cough vaccine last week, which I wasn’t looking forward to. I barely felt either of them though, and had no after effects.
I feel pretty strongly about avoiding a hospital birth now. I still haven’t been to view the two birth centre options available to me, and really need to get on and sort that out. It’s a bit tricky with Trevor working all over the UK and Iris suffering with her teething. I also want to look into home birth more. It’s all that’s on my mind really. I just don’t want to labour in a room full of strangers again, and I definitely don’t want this baby to arrive on an operating table while I’m completely numb from the chest down. I hope things can be different this time.