The positive positive 

Two years ago today I went to the GP to ask for a prescription for the contraceptive pill. He asked if there was a chance I could be pregnant already, and I said that I guess there could be a very very small chance. You can guess the rest.

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Honestly, it feels like days ago. I’m not sure how it can be two whole years. It was a complete accident, and for the first few weeks I wasn’t sure I wanted it, but it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

I was terrified at the time. I had been in a new job for just a few weeks, and although I hated the job I was aware it wasn’t really the done thing to get pregnant when you’re new. Our relationship was new too, and I was living with my mum while Trevor lived 40 miles way in a whole different country. I had been drinking and smoking a lot, with no idea of the tiny person growing inside me. I was scared I’d already done some terrible damage. 

I wasn’t prepared for the horrors of that pregnancy. The migraines, the sickness, the blood tests and all the peeing in the pot. I was a responsibility-free 20 something. I stayed out all night and didn’t worry about very much. 

It was all a huge shock. 

Now though, I can’t imagine ever being that version of me again. A me without Iris just seems pointless. I’m a mum, and I can see now that mum is who I was always meant to be. 

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