So it’s been a few very rough days. I did buy a tub of formula, and it is tormenting me from it’s new home on top of the fridge. Every fussy feed, every hour I spend trying to get Iris back to sleep, that tub is there. Reminding me there’s another way.
Only there isn’t another way. It isn’t easier to formula feed. All that bottle making and sterilising, the heavy nappy bag full of pots of powder. That feeling that I quit because of one rough week. I wouldn’t get over that. I know I wouldn’t. Formula feeding is a great thing, and for many families it really is the best option. It’s not for me and it’s not for us.
I’ve been expressing and expressing to up my supply a bit and it’s starting to work. I’ve also been refusing Iris some feeds, particularly at night. If she wakes after an hour or so I rock her to sleep instead. It takes a lot longer, but I’m hoping she’ll stop waking expecting a feed. Do babies really work like that? I’m not convinced but it’s worth a try.
We’re battling on. I’m determined that tub won’t ever be opened. I’m determined to do this, to feed her my milk for as long as she needs it.