Last night I wrote a big old negative post here but I’ve decided not to share it. Trev would call me ‘Negative Nancy’. I prefer to use ‘Negative Nigel’ for reasons perhaps only my little sister would understand.
Basically, it’s tough, isn’t it?
I’m just an empty container where my personality used to be stored. I don’t do any of the things that define me as me anymore and sometimes I find that quite hard to deal with. This is a new me, and I’ll probably come to like her eventually, but right how she just seems a bit blank.
Yeah, I’m a mama. I’m everything to Iris and hopefully quite important to Trev too. But what about me?
I’m new here. I make a massive effort to get out of the house with Iris and meet other mums. I really do. And I think I’ve got some fledgling friendships, just starting to form. It’s great! But I haven’t quite found my place, discovered who I am now. Who is the mama-in-Wales me? I don’t still knit, there isn’t time. I don’t bake much. I don’t hang out at the pub or even in the cafe. I don’t do very much at all, really.
I musn’t moan. There’s no point. I’ll focus my efforts, as usual, on trying not to get too stressed about housework and on getting more sleep.
I haven’t seen most of my friends in months and months. It’s not their fault I’m far away. The few times I have spent with old friends are so precious. I miss my mum too. My grandfather and my sister. I hope they know I miss them.
This post is a lot less negative than the one I originally wrote. I’m glad about that. I hope it goes some way too explain why I haven’t been writing so much. I feel sad that my brand new blog has become, already, a place for moaning with the occasional photograph. I’ll turn it around. I’ll turn it around right now. Or after this nap, anyway.