Those of you who started following this back in May when I started writing it have probably noticed that I deleted it all. Apart from one post, which I thought I had deleted. Not sure how that one survived.
It’s an enormous shame because I’d written some pretty good stuff and some of it I wanted to document and remember.
I have a huge dilemma when it comes to blogging. I love it. I love writing and the way that getting my thoughts out into the world makes me feel. It’s an emotional release. I’m even quite confident about my writing and I think I’m not too bad at it.
My problem is my content. For blogging to feel good, for me, it has to be about me. It has to be about my life. For this reason it usually ends up being about some fairly personal stuff. I’m ok with this when my twitter followers and my mates are reading it. That’s great. Those are the people I intended for it to be read by.
Facebook is a whole different ball game.
Call me mental if you like, but there are some people I don’t want to read this. If they’re reading it, I don’t feel I can rant and release in the same way. Not because I don’t trust them or feel they won’t support me. Just because I’m self concious about my feelings. These people include my mum, my dad, my grandfather, and a few others. All on Facebook.
Also, it’s kinda weird to think of old school friends reading it when I haven’t seen them for years and years and didn’t even like some of them when I was at school. I should definitely get round to removing them from my life.
This blog, those old posts, got shared on Facebook with my real name linked, and I instantly freaked. DELETE DELETE DELETE. I couldn’t remove the link from Facebook because I didn’t post it and I felt silly asking. So the posts had to go. I moved them to drafts so that I could save them but never got round to it and now they are permanently gone. Forever. And that is that.
I regret it now. I wrote that huge long post about pregnancy and those are memories I want to preserve. But it’s too late.
I’m back here now. Things have changed. I have had a baby! I’m a proper grown up now, right?
So lets give this another go. Hopefully it’ll stay away from the people I’d prefer it to stay away from and I’ll be able to continue to be brave about these words being out in the world.
If I freak again and this disappears, then so be it. We’ll see.